This weekend I decided it was a good idea to tackle my big bad Slipcover Project. You remember those ugly granny chairs that I got at the Salvation Army on the cheap that had “good bones” and just need a bit of “sprucing up”? Yeah, I thought it would be no big deal to make a slipcover. I mean how hard could it be? I knew how to work the sewing machine (barely) and I could figure out how to make a pattern (hardly), so what could go wrong?
What could go wrong, indeed.
I could just slap myself.
So, if you’re in desperate need to spend umpteenth hours on a backbreaking project which you will ultimately fail and end up throwing a pity party for yourself for wasting an entire weekend and ending up with a ghetto chair, please follow these step-by-step instructions.
Here’s how it went down (the tubes):
Step 1: Trace pattern of chair on big-arse roll of paper. Cut out pattern.
Step 2: Add batting to the chair for “extra cushion” only to realize afterward that you probably should have created your pattern after you added the “extra cushion.” Decide you don’t care and move on.
Step 3. Trace pattern (adding an inch on each side for sewing allowance of course because you’re not THAT dumb) onto “fabric.” And by “fabric” I mean those twill curtains you got at the JC Penny Outlet for $6.99 because you are cheap.
Step 4: Discover that if you rip the seams of the fabric (curtains) you will get just a bit more fabric out of it. Spend the next two hours ripping seams. Decide you don’t care and move on.
Step 5: Cut out fabric pattern and piece together on the chair. Pin all pieces together. It looks wonky but sorta like it fits. Decide you don’t care and move on.
Step 6: Sew all pieces together. Pray to the Sewing Gods you’re not screwing up. See that not all peices are lining up right. Force pieces to line up. Everything is puckering because you don’t know how to sew corners or curves. Decide you don’t care and move on.
Step 7: Realize that if you sew the last two seams you will not be able to get the damn thing on your chair. Leave the last two seams (in the back) un-sewn.
Step 8: Fit ghetto-fied slipcover to chair and cry/laugh as you discover just how bad it is. No really. It is that bad. Decide you don’t care and move on.
Step 9: Staple the bottom inch of each side to the underside of the chair giving your ghetto slipcover a “fitted” feel. Realize it’s now 11:00 p.m. on the second day of this project and you’ve run out of wine.
Step 10: Decide the project is beyond all hope. Collapse on the couch in complete exhaustion and wonder what the hell you were thinking in the first place. Decide you don’t care and go to bed.
Fun, no? I spent and entire weekend on ONE CHAIR. So now I have one granny chair and one ghetto chair.